How to find your spark and finally build the life you want

Photo by @Marcos Paulo Prado

Have you ever felt like you could do and be much more in life but days are just passing by feeling the same, and you have no idea how to change that?

I bet a lot of us have been there.  

I especially felt this way during the last year, struggling to go forward and needing time to slow down and give myself a chance for healing. This meant that most of my energy went to rest, and at times it felt like being stuck in the same loop, particularly in certain areas of my life.
Why is that?
My life was too monotonous and, therefore, missing variety.  When that happens, boredom kicks in, I lose interest and focus, and eventually - in extreme cases - I just quit.

If that happens to you as well, a good starting point is accepting that life is boring sometimes. Not everything has to be new to spark the passion in you. The secret is to know how to keep that spark alive!
Here I am to share with you what I do to keep that spark in my life and how it has helped me to build the life I wanted.

Photo by @Jackson David

There are a few areas I struggle to achieve goals and to be focused and consistent. Among all, the physical health area is the one I always struggled with the most, until I became highly inconsistent.
Inconsistency can apply to any area of life, and the reasons can be multiple. It might be the tendency to get easily bored or being the type of person who likes to go with their emotional flow; it might be related to how accessible or concrete our goals and actions are or even the effort you need to invest in those. 
In my case, as simple as it might sound, exercising was just never my cup of tea. I needed to create the interest - the spark - if I wanted to make it a habit to have a healthier lifestyle.

So, at the start of this year, I set myself only one goal: to find a way to exercise that is fun for me, it keeps me healthy while still being excited.

Many people find it easy to stay motivated, but sometimes some of us need an additional incentive to keep up with our plans. 
There’s nothing wrong with that - we all have our ways!
So, how do we create variety and also find the motivation to keep consistent?

Here are the three actionable steps for you!

1.

Adopt the Growth mindset (or in other words: Be curious to challenge your beliefs)

Photo by @Hasse Lossius

We often forget how it was to be a child, where everything was always so exciting, and we were not afraid of trying something new.
For me, everything changed when my curiosity and craving for variety led me to find new interests never explored before, challenge my knowledge, and get more awareness about my strongest motivators.  

Only after trying several new - and old - things I was able to gain that self-awareness, find focus and consistency again and build the balanced life I wanted.

Curiosity is part of a mindset, and by seeking new information, perspectives, and inputs, we will be exposed to lots more opportunities. 
Being curious helps us to understand who we are and who we want to be in life.

And if you are reading this post, you have already done a great job! Because it means you are ready to be curious to hear new perspectives and take action!

By being curious - but also willful and open-minded to change the situations - last year I came across a great Ted Talk titled “Why we quit exercise plan and what we can do about it” where Simon Long explains how boredom is one of the main reasons why we can’t keep a habit for a long time.
Since boredom is also a synonym for repetition, creating variety is one critical factor when building any habit. Even though the speech was about a specific area of life, I found it pretty insightful to be applied to anything in life we want to find a spark again.

That’s because he suggests applying a strategy from psychology called SELF-EFFICACY - the belief you can succeed in a specific situation. 
The self-efficacy method can be a great input to find the internal motivation needed to build long-term goals.

“When you find internal motivation, the reason why you do the activity is that you love it, so you are less likely to quit it”

— Simon Long

In his Ted Talk, Long also shows us a great exercise on how to implement variety more practically into our lives throughout the self-efficacy method:

For a practical example of the exercise execution, here’s how I found the spark in any area of my life:

1. Px is the activity I am looking for

2. I listed the things I generally love in my life and I know they represent great motivation for me, as characteristics of any activity I would like to do

How to find the Px activity that would match most of those elements?
BY TRYING DIFFERENT NEW THINGS!

When I tried climbing for the first time, I thought I would never like it because I can’t be good at it, and before I will, an exhausting amount of effort and consistency would be invested. However, I didn’t foresee the incredible passion it would spark in me. The reason is mainly that I was unaware of climbing being the Px element that would unite all the things I love.
When climbing each different route, I get to face my deepest fears and yet challenge my mental and physical limits to places I wouldn’t imagine. Each time I allow myself to fail because that gives me another chance to grow. Think of the astonishment when I found out after doing something new!

Since not only climbing fits perfectly those criteria, I nowadays alternate my training based on activities that awaken my spark and sync with my inner energy. But more of this in the next section! 🌝

extra tip:

At Sunny Kind Journey, we strive for balance and believe that to build a balanced life, variety shouldn’t be applied only to one area but to others too.

• Consider spicing up your schedule (don’t overdo it!) could make you more excited when you have to move on to something else. Try to include hobbies, exercising, and family-friends time, into the daily routine activities like work. It would help to spark more excitement if, for example, you would only work all day. Of course, every day is different, and there’s stuff we’ve to do. However, this way, you will also feel not to put too much effort into one of these areas while neglecting another.

2.

listen to your inner self

Photo by @Donald Giannati

The real game started changing when I started syncing with my inner energy and hormonal cycle. Now being a woman plays a big role in that, because that changes on weekly basis (more or less).
Believe it or not, men have a hormonal cycle too and once you sync with that and your inner energy, you will understand a lot about how you use and store your energy levels, when is the right time to rest, to try new things, or focus in more detailed oriented activities.

How to sync with your inner energy:

• Listen to your body. Our body and mind are connected in extraordinary ways! By tracking how you feel in both - your body and your mind - you will be able to get more awareness about your energy levels or at which specific moment of your day, week, or month, you feel a natural drive. If your body or mind needs rest, listen to them. If you feel creative, or inspired, try to squeeze that approach into everyday activities! 

• Eat well. Food is our fuel. Proper dieting supports and gives you healthy energy for what and when you need it. As a vegan, I learned to make sure my body has everything I need, from the different vitamins to all micro and macronutrients. Let’s be honest, who doesn’t feel better after a good healthy meal? Don’t make that the cause of your lack of spark. Take care of your eating🍓

• Discover what you love. Going back to the physical area example carried so far, I love swimming and that is why for me it’s a great way to keep active. I feel comfortable in it and it gives me confidence. If you know that you are doing a sport, a job, or even a relationship you are not passionate about, understand why, what is missing, and how it would instead spark joy in you and try to implement those different things in it. Quitting is not always the best solution, sometimes we gotta fight for certain things, or maybe just find the spark back!
  But gym, that I am quitting. 

To give a more concrete example, based on Simon Long's variety exercise, my own list of favorite activities, and my different energy flows, nowadays I alternate my HIIT and cardio training for when my energy is at its peak, switch to swimming and climbing for when I feel energetic but more focused oriented, to finally dedicate to stretching and yoga for when my body needs more rest and spirituality. Then the cycle starts again. The same goes for different areas of life, like my hobbies or socialization.

Try as well this method yourself, and see know how you feel after some time you have tried it!

extra tips:

• A male’s hormonal cycle is 24-hour based, seeing the mornings as the most productive moment of the day (when testosterone is at its peak), perfect for work focus and task-oriented activities. Hormones slowly come down, until the afternoon, when it might be a better time for socializing or exercising. The energy is at its lowest during the evening when the hormones have a more significant drop and it’s a better time for leisure and relaxation.

• A female’s hormonal cycle gets more complex, since it’s a 24-30 days cycle, balancing between estrogens and progesterone. That means that instead of on a daily basis, the energy levels change more or less on a weekly basis. If you are familiar with the names of the different phases, you will find this very useful!
  Follicular phase (around 7 days): While estrogens go up, it’s a perfect time to start new projects, brainstorm ideas, and be active!
  Ovulation (max 5 days, until when the estrogens raise up to the peak): Great to socialize, since the communication skills sharpen up, and we are at the peak of creativity! The suggested exercise is cardio.
  Luteal phase (7-14 days): Estrogens start to go down, while progesterone raise up. It’s time to slow down! You might feel more inclined to detail-oriented tasks and you feel just like getting things done. Ideal exercise type could be weight training at the gym or low cardio exercise (like swimming or climbing - just to mention two random ones).
  Menstruation (3-7 days): time to rest! This is the perfect time for self-evaluation, self-reflection, and rest. Alternate stretching and mobility exercises with some yoga.

  
  If you are more curious about this topic, I suggest you read the book “In the Flo” by Alisa Vitti. The book is extensively explained how women’s body works, plus meal preps, exercise plans, and great tips for each phase.

3.

Embrace acceptance and enjoy the journey

Photo by @JM Lova

It is important to be merciful to ourselves and realize we don’t have to be constantly at the top of ourselves. Life is a marathon and not a sprint.
If you are aiming at long-term consistency, don’t push too much at anything. Working in each area of life doesn’t mean overwhelming yourself by focusing on too many things simultaneously.
Instead, ensure not to neglect other areas in the process.
Patience and trusting the process play a huge role in building the life you want.

Since finding acceptance in your life is an inner and personal journey, no manual or handbook can list what works for sure for all, and how to get there smoothly.
Still, I would love to share with you a couple of things I did to forward in this journey.

• Watch for your self-talk. The way we talk to ourselves tells us a lot about how we think and treat ourselves. I used to call myself ‘stupid’ ‘not good enough’, or ‘useless’.
  Until I realized that you can become good at anything or bad at anything, it's all about practice and open-mindedness toward learning. And each of us progresses at our own pace.

• Practice kindness. As I wouldn’t put too much pressure on others, or expect the moon from them, I decided that I shouldn’t exclude myself from that treatment and be more kind. I lowered my expectations and blueprints and started going more with the flow. Without that pressure, I was able to unleash my potential and find more confidence in the process.
  Start today by doing an act of kindness to yourself.

• Celebrate the progress, even when it involves ups and downs. Try not to look for the final destination, instead be proud of yourself and your effort in each step of the journey. Personally, I find it very effective to write down the starting point, track the progress and milestones, and then see the end result.

extra tips:

• If you are into meditation, consider a daily meditation for self-acceptance and trusting the process. Out there’s incredible content! My favorite meditation channel on Youtube is Great Meditation. Feel free to go and check it out 😄

recap

1. Adopt the growth mindset - be curious and challenge your beliefs

   Try new things and discover what you love! Use the exercise to spice up your life with variety, and especially find what sparks your motivation!

2. Listen to your inner self

   Sync your body and mind with your energy level. Take care of yourself and get the self-awareness to know what you really want and need!

3. Embrace acceptance and enjoy the journey

   Accept the point of the journey you are at and trust the process.

By following these 3 actionable steps, I was able to discover new passions and a little more about myself, but also to be focused and consistent not because I have to achieve certain preset goals, but because I have found passion about those. 
Now you get access to these tools as well. Are you ready to build a life full of spark?

Do you have something to share? Use the comments and let’s start a discussion!

And remember to stay kind and meaningful in your own beautiful journey 💛💙💚

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